Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
