Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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