I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
