I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
