i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
