I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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