R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
