I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
