All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
