Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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