i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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