I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
