I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Pants 0. Shit 1.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
