the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
