you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
