yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
