What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
