yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
