They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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