we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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