i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
