porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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