Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
They are going to name an STD after you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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