I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
