12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
