how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
