Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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