Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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