At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize