you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
