Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Randomize
