Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
In the future we'll all be gay
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
