Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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