i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize