google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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