I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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