tell your sister to shave her snatch
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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