I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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