You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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