Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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