oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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