Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
