Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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