how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
