Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
false alarm, still single
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