She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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