On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Randomize
