Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
