I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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