Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
