Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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