i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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