What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
