Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
