You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
