Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
