Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize