I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
