I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
