Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
