You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
