Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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