you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
