It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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