So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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