I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
