I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
