I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
