I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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