god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
