I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
