YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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