And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
