it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
