watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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